The Oshu Facts
by Lord Oshujax
Summary: A random story about myself, where I just thought of these things that some of my friends found to be funny sorta like Chuck Norris Facts, but not in that sense . Done for teh LULZ
1. Oshu Facts, Vol 1

It was another day in the life of Oshujax. Oshujax was sleeping in his castle next to Castle Remembrance. Oshujax's house is not just a simple room in a castle. It's an entire castle conveniently located next to Castle Remembrance. As Oshujax teleported out to his mailbox, he saw that the mailman had already come by, as he grabbed the mail and went back inside his house. Taking a seat on his throne, which was really a comfy recliner, Oshu opened the envelopes and saw that his taxes had come in. He saw that a manmade model of what had appeared to be his penis had just come in, as he laughed. He started a telepathic conversation with jYexrem. _Watching Hannah Montana again, jYexxie?_

jYexrem freaked. _How'd you know!?_

Oshujax laughed, and then ended the conversation quickly. Immediately, the model that just appeared went into the return envelope for all tax envelopes, as that was Oshu's way of telling tax collectors to "suck it". Oshujax looked at the time and saw that it was Oshu Time. Every clock in Oshu's castle said it was Oshu Time, because no time is better than Oshu Time. And Oshu Time was now Hammer Time! Oshujax walked up to the door when he heard someone knocking, and to his surprise came a very pissy Xiammes, whining about how he was a John Cena fanboy and how he was jealous that he wasn't as epic as Oshujax was, and how Nixalcti was guilty for King Mickey rape, and a bunch of other stuff. Oshujax became annoyed. "STOP!" Xiammes quit talking, as a bunch of people gathered around Oshu's frontyard. "HAMMER TIME!" And then, people began doing the Hammer dance to "Can't Touch This", while Oshujax just walked by everyone as they were doing the Hammer dance, heading out of the Castle and then teleporting to the city nearby, specifically in its mall.

Oshujax was bored, so he put in his headphones, and began listening to his Zune, specifically listening to 'The Fight Song' by Marilyn Manson. He walked into a Hollister just for random reasons, as he was wearing all black, deciding to get a Hollister jacket for the hell of it. Just then, some jocky prep walked up to Oshu and tried pushing him. "Hey, no freaks allowed!" Oshujax just removed his headphones, and forcefully shoved them in the jocky prep's ears, as the victim screamed to the heavens, with his head swelling like a balloon, and then exploding from hearing Oshu's music. Oshujax just casually put one earphone back in his left ear, and randomly picked a jacket out, and then left. The cashier yelled. "Hey! You gotta pay for that!" Oshujax just flashed both his earphones and the cashier then feared for his life. "Um, I meant to say…Thank you for shopping at Hollister!" Oshujax just smiled and left the store, heading for another section of the mall.

He found two kids playing Guitar Hero III at Gamestop, so he decided to go in and see what they were doing. Noticing that the "song failed" menu came up, showing "Through the Fire and the Flames" on Expert, Oshujax smiled. "May I see the controller?" The kid gave his controller to Oshujax, as Oshujax hit the retry option on the guitar. The chart came up, along with the first series of frets, as Oshujax played through the entire song flawlessly, not missing a note, as the console that had the game disintegrated and disappeared, with the customers dropping their jaws wide open. Oshujax then dropped the controller and went elsewhere, trying to find something to break his boredom.

It was then that Oshujax then teleported to the Blank Shot Saloon, to see if anything special was happening there.


	2. Oshu Facts, Vol 2

As Oshujax appeared in the Blank Shot Saloon, he received his usual hug from Nixalcti when he made his presence known. She stayed close to him as he walked over to the stage, looking for a guitar to play, when Xiammes, Sasxe, and jYexrem just laughed. "We took them all, and you'll never get one, Oshu!" They attempted to shoo Oshu away, until Oshu went into air guitar mode, while the three tried playing a battle, and then heard noises coming from Oshu, as Oshu played air guitar. "How the fuck? He has no guitar! That's impossible!" "I don't need one. I can play air guitar, and since I'm so fucking awesome at guitar, my air guitar makes REAL sound." Oshujax chuckled. "Oh, and one more thing guys…" Oshu stuck his hand out in front of him, and all three guitars appeared by Oshu. "Guitars work like Keyblades for me. So I could have basically taken all your guitars to piss you off, as I just did right now."

Sasxe scoffed at Oshu. "Whatever, Oshu. Watch this!" Sasxe summoned for a fire technique, when it was just a guitar made of pure fire. When attempting to play it, trying to play better than Oshu, the fire burned him before he could even tune the guitar. Sasxe howled, as the guitar of fire dropped to the ground. Oshujax shook his head and walked over to the fire guitar. "You're doing it wrong. You should be doing it more like this." Oshujax tuned the guitar of pure fire, and then began playing it. Everyone in the Blank Shot Saloon looked at Oshu, speechless at what he was doing.

When Oshujax finished, he dropped the guitar and watched as it disappeared. He smirked, and walked back over to Nixalcti. "You're gonna get banished to the Sun by someone someday, you know?" "Oh, if they do that, the universe'll end. Basically, if I were to live on the Sun, and since all planets in the solar system revolve around the sun, if I played guitar up there, the planets would spiral out of control, and time skips would happen, and it wouldn't be because of a Time Staff or something like that." Nixalcti just rolled her eyes and laughed. "Just rub it in, huh Oshu?"

He shrugged. "It's not my fault that I'm epic sauce and a half."

Nixalcti chuckled as Oshujax went to a computer. He got on Myspace, and was immediately taken to the Home screen that said, "Hello, Oshujax!". Oshujax does not have to put in a password to log in to ANY site requiring logins. Noticing that no one had messaged or commented him, he went to YouTube, but eventually clicked X before doing anything in particular.

Getting bored again, Oshujax decided to create a Sexy no Jutsu clone of himself, named Tifa. He sent Tifa up to Xecah, one of Oshu's long time friends. Xecah was dumbstruck by Tifa's appearance, as Oshu smiled and shook his head. When Xecah attempted to go in for a kiss, Oshu teleported in front of him and sucker punched him in the face, sending Xecah through the wall of the BSS, and then around the world 27 times, and then 27 times more in reverse. Oshujax creates a more puke inducing ride with just one sucker punch to the face than any ride at Six Flags would. As soon as Xecah stopped, Xecah was fixing to throw up, until Oshu stuck a large metal bubble around Xecah's head, as Xecah threw up on himself.

"Ew." Oshujax and Nixalcti replied, in unison.

Eventually, Oshujax became bored again, until Shoujax walked up to him, along with Sasxe.


End file.
